The words quickly returned to me and resonated loudly as I could feel my blood begin to boil. I could feel my face getting warm and could only imagine the shade of red that it was turning. Words I hadn't heard in a decade or so, but so suddenly seemed familiar once again. "Courtney Nicole Cox. I better not have to tell you again! If you ask one more time, you are getting a spanking." Why in the world did I hear those words echoing through my very being today? My parents were certainly not present in the Christian Bookstore I was ironically standing in today. Oh, but my precious, sweet, beautiful daughter was, several other customers, and me....the Mama. The Mama who had just empathized with her own parents so many years ago.
The day started beautifully. Cue birds chirping, sun shining, giggles and laughter, a perfect mommy-daughter day. Ohhhh, but then the storm clouds arrived. A little thunder cloud named Camdyn spewed forth what felt like a lightning strike in the middle of that little bookstore. I was desperately trying to find a soundtrack to a song I want to sing at church and she was adamant in trying to prevent that from occurring. All.over.a.stinking.bouncy.ball. Seriously??? I would not allow her to throw the bouncy ball through the store, stacked ceiling high with delicate, breakable, non-kid friendly items. I also would not allow my money to purchase the ball for her because of the choices she was making. I desperately tried reasoning with her. Explaining to her the choice she has to make. Good choices versus bad choices. Listening versus not listening. Obeying and disobeying. I did this for awhile. My patience started out strong and then eventually dwindled to nothing. I've prayed a lot about having more patience as a Mother and God has been working in me. But today, she would not be reckoned with and patience was thrown out the window. It was her way or NO way. So right there...in the middle of the CHRISTIAN bookstore, a tantrum was thrown. Not the small whiny nagging that can sometimes occur but be quietened but the full blown, snot slinging, stamping of feet, fit. One that removes you from the store, from what you were attempting to accomplish, and resort to the car where you have to take care of business and lay down the law of parent land.
Don't get me wrong. Camdyn normally is NOT this way. I can take her most anywhere and I have no qualms about it. I know she will behave, act appropriately, and do as she is told. BUT...there is always a but. But....she is human. Just as I am human, you are human, we all are human. So where am I going with this?
On the ride home, music turned up loudly enough to drown out the cries from the backseat, I was burdened. My heart was heavy, saddened, and needy. What was the Lord trying to tell me? Was this all a lesson? I've noticed the Lord has been scaffolding his teaching to me. He starts out subtly and then builds what he needs to tell me in several "mini sessions" if you will. It started earlier in the week with a burden for young people in the church that the Pastor's wife brought before the ladies. Knowing that these young ladies look up to us, we should be setting an example. Wednesday night at church, the Preacher discussed the same thing. If no one shows the girls how to live in Christ, for Christ, and in the ways of Christ, who will they learn from?
And then today I reach the top of the scaffold. In the van, with tears streaming down my face, I realize that my heart is broken. It's broken for my child but more for myself. Realizing that I too pitch "fits" when things don't go my way, or are out of my control. Realizing how God must feel when I repeatedly ask for something over and over but it just isn't his will that I have it. Realizing that sometimes when God says no, I can't take it as his final word and keep pushing the envelope until I am scolded by him. And then there is the burden that he began placing in my heart Monday. The burden of teaching and showing my daughter what a Christian woman looks like. What the walk of a woman after God's own heart, looks like. Am I teaching her through my actions, words, deeds?
Tonight, the fit was long forgotten, the scolding was a thought in the wind for her, and she was happy, loving, and attentive. At supper, she reminded me that we needed to pray for the preacher, whose name she got last night at church. She wanted to pray for this "creature" whose name she got and has already memorized and she prayed at supper that Jesus would help him when he comes to our revival. While, I feel that sometimes I am inadequate in my walk or how I am seen in the eyes of my child, I know she is learning from me, as she desires a prayer life and has a heart of compassion already. Thank you Lord for allowing me to be teachable and able to be molded by you. My heart is open, ready, and willing to accept your teachings.
The day started beautifully. Cue birds chirping, sun shining, giggles and laughter, a perfect mommy-daughter day. Ohhhh, but then the storm clouds arrived. A little thunder cloud named Camdyn spewed forth what felt like a lightning strike in the middle of that little bookstore. I was desperately trying to find a soundtrack to a song I want to sing at church and she was adamant in trying to prevent that from occurring. All.over.a.stinking.bouncy.ball. Seriously??? I would not allow her to throw the bouncy ball through the store, stacked ceiling high with delicate, breakable, non-kid friendly items. I also would not allow my money to purchase the ball for her because of the choices she was making. I desperately tried reasoning with her. Explaining to her the choice she has to make. Good choices versus bad choices. Listening versus not listening. Obeying and disobeying. I did this for awhile. My patience started out strong and then eventually dwindled to nothing. I've prayed a lot about having more patience as a Mother and God has been working in me. But today, she would not be reckoned with and patience was thrown out the window. It was her way or NO way. So right there...in the middle of the CHRISTIAN bookstore, a tantrum was thrown. Not the small whiny nagging that can sometimes occur but be quietened but the full blown, snot slinging, stamping of feet, fit. One that removes you from the store, from what you were attempting to accomplish, and resort to the car where you have to take care of business and lay down the law of parent land.
Don't get me wrong. Camdyn normally is NOT this way. I can take her most anywhere and I have no qualms about it. I know she will behave, act appropriately, and do as she is told. BUT...there is always a but. But....she is human. Just as I am human, you are human, we all are human. So where am I going with this?
On the ride home, music turned up loudly enough to drown out the cries from the backseat, I was burdened. My heart was heavy, saddened, and needy. What was the Lord trying to tell me? Was this all a lesson? I've noticed the Lord has been scaffolding his teaching to me. He starts out subtly and then builds what he needs to tell me in several "mini sessions" if you will. It started earlier in the week with a burden for young people in the church that the Pastor's wife brought before the ladies. Knowing that these young ladies look up to us, we should be setting an example. Wednesday night at church, the Preacher discussed the same thing. If no one shows the girls how to live in Christ, for Christ, and in the ways of Christ, who will they learn from?
And then today I reach the top of the scaffold. In the van, with tears streaming down my face, I realize that my heart is broken. It's broken for my child but more for myself. Realizing that I too pitch "fits" when things don't go my way, or are out of my control. Realizing how God must feel when I repeatedly ask for something over and over but it just isn't his will that I have it. Realizing that sometimes when God says no, I can't take it as his final word and keep pushing the envelope until I am scolded by him. And then there is the burden that he began placing in my heart Monday. The burden of teaching and showing my daughter what a Christian woman looks like. What the walk of a woman after God's own heart, looks like. Am I teaching her through my actions, words, deeds?
Tonight, the fit was long forgotten, the scolding was a thought in the wind for her, and she was happy, loving, and attentive. At supper, she reminded me that we needed to pray for the preacher, whose name she got last night at church. She wanted to pray for this "creature" whose name she got and has already memorized and she prayed at supper that Jesus would help him when he comes to our revival. While, I feel that sometimes I am inadequate in my walk or how I am seen in the eyes of my child, I know she is learning from me, as she desires a prayer life and has a heart of compassion already. Thank you Lord for allowing me to be teachable and able to be molded by you. My heart is open, ready, and willing to accept your teachings.
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. ~ Titus 2:3-5