I'm not really sure when it happened. I don't really remember the moment that I began to realize I was on the outside of the fishbowl looking through the glass...I just don't recall how it all came to be.
No. I'm not talking about myself as a fish. Just an illustration.
Lately, I feel separate.
Seeking.
Wondering.
Exiled.
Excluded.
Lord knows I could never list all of the words that I have felt the last few weeks.
What I do know and understand is that my full throttle launch into my walk with the Lord has caused other aspects of my life to fall through the cracks. The fire that is burning in my heart and my soul seems to have burnt other aspects of my life to ashes. Parts of my life that maybe I didn't realize consumed so much of me before. Things that I didn't notice when I was living out of God's will. Things that didn't bother me before, bother me now. I don't like to be around things now that before I tolerated or maybe even participated in. I have removed myself from situations that I know I shouldn't be in. Through all of that.... It's also caused hurt. The words I've heard muttered from those swimming inside the fishbowl...the comments...the grief given. All.of.it.
How can you have hurt when following the Lord? How can your soul be so on fire for the Lord but so burdened with things and people you leave behind? How can you pray so hard for the Lord to fill you up and lead your family, finally receive the answers to your prayers and then feel an ache when you experience hardships
Simple. Because the Lord suffered. He knew we would too. He knew we would suffer for our faith. He knew we would face persecution. He knew that on our walk, the Devil would try his absolute best to trip us. To create stumbling blocks. He knew it would happen. It's BIBLE!
No. I'm not talking about myself as a fish. Just an illustration.
Lately, I feel separate.
Seeking.
Wondering.
Exiled.
Excluded.
Lord knows I could never list all of the words that I have felt the last few weeks.
What I do know and understand is that my full throttle launch into my walk with the Lord has caused other aspects of my life to fall through the cracks. The fire that is burning in my heart and my soul seems to have burnt other aspects of my life to ashes. Parts of my life that maybe I didn't realize consumed so much of me before. Things that I didn't notice when I was living out of God's will. Things that didn't bother me before, bother me now. I don't like to be around things now that before I tolerated or maybe even participated in. I have removed myself from situations that I know I shouldn't be in. Through all of that.... It's also caused hurt. The words I've heard muttered from those swimming inside the fishbowl...the comments...the grief given. All.of.it.
How can you have hurt when following the Lord? How can your soul be so on fire for the Lord but so burdened with things and people you leave behind? How can you pray so hard for the Lord to fill you up and lead your family, finally receive the answers to your prayers and then feel an ache when you experience hardships
Simple. Because the Lord suffered. He knew we would too. He knew we would suffer for our faith. He knew we would face persecution. He knew that on our walk, the Devil would try his absolute best to trip us. To create stumbling blocks. He knew it would happen. It's BIBLE!
Matthew 5:44 - But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
1 Peter 3:17 - For [it is] better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.
Luke 6:22 - Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you [from their company], and shall reproach [you], and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.
Hebrews 12:3 - For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.
The Lord is feeding me these scriptures. He knows my heart. He knows that as those shackles that once held me down are falling away to the wayside, that he is going to fill those spaces up with his love, his grace, and his blessings. He knows my heart and I'm thankful that at the end of the day, I can pour it out to him and he is going to fill his fishbowl with all of it, and empty out mine. Thank you Lord!!!