10:13. Yes that's the time on my clock right now. Thirteen minutes AFTER ten. Thirteen minutes AFTER my usual bedtime. Why am I still awake at 10:13 and not in my bed? Why is Camdyn just now easing off to sleep? Christian fellowship. After church the last two Sundays, we have been asked to go out to eat after church. It's something so minimal and trivial, yet part of a prayer I have been praying about for quite some time. Actually, it's a two part prayer request.
One prayer I have prayed recently, is that God would help me "let go" of my tactful and structured schedule. I have prayed that he would allow my obsessive nature to relinquish some of it's rigidity and allow me some breathing room. Breathing room to not feel so pressured to have a time frame, a timeline of getting things done, or a bondage to a schedule. It is this need I have to follow a plan constantly, that also pulls me from God. It pulls me from spending time with Christian people in fellowship, it pulls me from reading my bible as much as I should, pulls me from playing at night with my daughter, pulls me from having meaningful conversation with my husband when he arrives home from work and sometimes even leaves me frantic when something doesn't fall in "Courtney's Time Frame of Getting Things Done". It doesn't just affect me, but also my family. It stresses them out as much as it does me. They feel rushed I'm sure, looked over, and perhaps even feel that they live within an army that must follow the orders of a leader. Do I really want to be perceived that way? No. So lately I have prayed that God would ease my tension and fear of stepping out of the "routine" and help me to loosen up a bit. I need to worry less about that load of laundry that has been sitting in the laundry room for a day; it will be there tomorrow. I need to worry less about making sure Camdyn is bathed and fed by a certain time each night; she is only little once...could an extra "awake" hour be that bad? What's one more bedtime story? I need to worry less about that cleaning schedule hanging on the fridge; the dirt that's here today, will also be here tomorrow...I'll be thankful I have a home.
God has placed several opportunities in my path the last few weeks that have tried me and my "schedule". Going to eat after church on Sunday nights has been one of them. Something so small, like I mentioned before, but nonetheless, a big deal for me. Tonight as I sat with a group of people from church, I realized what I had been missing out on. Good friends, good fellowship with Christian friends, and as I watched my child laugh and giggle at the "big kid table" it was evident to me that I don't need to be so hard on myself, so hard on my family. Enjoying the little things and staying up a little later, never hurt anyone. Maybe left us a little sleepy, but didn't hurt us.
Several months ago, I also prayed that my family could find a church and be able to call a church a home. We have finally found that, and I have been so blessed by the people belonging to my church family. They have taken us in and made us feel so welcome. I am thankful that God answers prayers and helps us to see the answers to our prayers. Even if it's at Zaxby's on a Sunday night at 9 p.m. :)
Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.