If you are a writer or a blogger you can understand the excitement when something comes to you...something worthy of writing about. Something so exciting that your fingertips yearn for a pen or a keyboard...your mind swarms around so many ideas and anticipates the moment you can release them onto paper (or a screen). You can't seem to get them down fast enough once you start. My blog worthy post tonight began forming on Monday and has snowballed this evening into my avalanche of a realization.
Monday was like any other day. Throughout the hustle and bustle of the day, I was anticipating and looking forward to ladies prayer meeting that occurs every Monday night at 6:30. It would be only my second time going. The first time I was truly blessed by the sincerity and sweet spirit I felt and was excited to be going back. I thought of the prayer requests I would carry to our ladies group, I have many prayers throughout the day, but I wanted to bring before the ladies, the ones that I needed help with most. The ones that I could use some extra prayer warriors on. I asked for prayers for Austin (William's cousin who was recently diagnosed with Cancer and recently started chemotherapy), among others in need of prayer and those I knew who were sick, and almost reluctantly at first, I asked for prayers for myself. The devil fought me. I kept thinking, "Courtney, don't bother them with this. This is so trivial in comparison to some of these people who are sick or have lost loved ones." While reluctant to speak about my need, I did anyway. I have prayed and prayed about this and just needed someone to pray with me.
I have prayed for some time now that God would take away the anxiety I have about standing up in front of others to give a testimony, sing, or speak. It isn't just at church but almost anywhere these days. People say, "But you are a teacher! Teacher's don't get stage fright!" It's different when you are speaking to adults and not little people. Mostly, I've asked God to take away my anxiety about using my voice to glorify him, to give others a blessing through song, or for praise. It's been years since I sang in church (except for Granny's funeral earlier this year) and I just really have struggled with the nervousness of it all. Mostly, I want God to use me. I want him to shape and mold me into who he wants me to be and I want him to show me where he wants me to serve...in church, in life, in his will. I explained all of this to the ladies at church Monday night in all sincerity. I asked that they just pray that God could defeat the devil, my anxiety, and my reluctant but hopeful voice.
I had gotten about half way home and started singing "Thank you Lord for Your Blessings On Me." I sang it for awhile, hummed it while folding the laundry later on at home, and again as I was in the shower (don't act like you have never belted out your best notes in the shower! Everyone sounds good in the shower!). Without EVEN THINKING about what I was doing, I sat down after getting out of the shower, messaged the preacher, and asked him if I could sing a song before preaching Wednesday night. Wait, what did I just do? Did I just commit to sing at church? A solo? Seriously? I quickly felt like recanting the latter question, but knew there was a purpose to all of this. That song was the Lord's answer. I hadn't even heard that song in months. Hadn't thought of it in quite some time, and then suddenly it comes to me.
Since Monday, my nerves have been quieted. Actually, it was quite the opposite. I was looking forward to praising the Lord tonight! I will admit I got a little nervous this evening as the church hour approached and even had the sweaty palms right before I stood up to sing, but it quickly went away once I walked the aisle to the front. The song went well, I felt God speaking through me, and I was ecstatic to be able to praise him through song once more!
Then, as if that wasn't an answered prayer in itself...it just kept getting sweeter and sweeter. Preacher Curtis preached on taking up our cross and following him. At the end of the sermon, he challenged us to think about things we should give up in order to keep up our cross carrying. He further challenged us to ask God to take away whatever hindrances kept us from carrying our cross and following him. While my hindrance isn't an addiction, or a object like TV or Music, I knew what I needed to give up immediately, and everything finally clicked together. It's such an incredible feeling when you are in the middle of an answered prayer, and realize it is happening. My anxiety has a hold on me and holds me back from doing so many things. I'm at the point that I simply cannot let my nervousness interfere with serving the Lord. My prayer tonight, was that God could overcome the anxieties I have and use me in a mighty way. I have never wanted to be closer to the Lord than I do right now. I yearn for more of him in my life. I only want to be what he would have me to be.
While this post isn't my usual encouraging or inspiring word, it is from the heart. It is written with great excitement, love, and thanksgiving. I am thankful that the Lord answers even the smallest prayers and has shown me that he is in control and can overcome any hindrances that we have. Thank you Lord for your blessings on me!
Monday was like any other day. Throughout the hustle and bustle of the day, I was anticipating and looking forward to ladies prayer meeting that occurs every Monday night at 6:30. It would be only my second time going. The first time I was truly blessed by the sincerity and sweet spirit I felt and was excited to be going back. I thought of the prayer requests I would carry to our ladies group, I have many prayers throughout the day, but I wanted to bring before the ladies, the ones that I needed help with most. The ones that I could use some extra prayer warriors on. I asked for prayers for Austin (William's cousin who was recently diagnosed with Cancer and recently started chemotherapy), among others in need of prayer and those I knew who were sick, and almost reluctantly at first, I asked for prayers for myself. The devil fought me. I kept thinking, "Courtney, don't bother them with this. This is so trivial in comparison to some of these people who are sick or have lost loved ones." While reluctant to speak about my need, I did anyway. I have prayed and prayed about this and just needed someone to pray with me.
I have prayed for some time now that God would take away the anxiety I have about standing up in front of others to give a testimony, sing, or speak. It isn't just at church but almost anywhere these days. People say, "But you are a teacher! Teacher's don't get stage fright!" It's different when you are speaking to adults and not little people. Mostly, I've asked God to take away my anxiety about using my voice to glorify him, to give others a blessing through song, or for praise. It's been years since I sang in church (except for Granny's funeral earlier this year) and I just really have struggled with the nervousness of it all. Mostly, I want God to use me. I want him to shape and mold me into who he wants me to be and I want him to show me where he wants me to serve...in church, in life, in his will. I explained all of this to the ladies at church Monday night in all sincerity. I asked that they just pray that God could defeat the devil, my anxiety, and my reluctant but hopeful voice.
I had gotten about half way home and started singing "Thank you Lord for Your Blessings On Me." I sang it for awhile, hummed it while folding the laundry later on at home, and again as I was in the shower (don't act like you have never belted out your best notes in the shower! Everyone sounds good in the shower!). Without EVEN THINKING about what I was doing, I sat down after getting out of the shower, messaged the preacher, and asked him if I could sing a song before preaching Wednesday night. Wait, what did I just do? Did I just commit to sing at church? A solo? Seriously? I quickly felt like recanting the latter question, but knew there was a purpose to all of this. That song was the Lord's answer. I hadn't even heard that song in months. Hadn't thought of it in quite some time, and then suddenly it comes to me.
Since Monday, my nerves have been quieted. Actually, it was quite the opposite. I was looking forward to praising the Lord tonight! I will admit I got a little nervous this evening as the church hour approached and even had the sweaty palms right before I stood up to sing, but it quickly went away once I walked the aisle to the front. The song went well, I felt God speaking through me, and I was ecstatic to be able to praise him through song once more!
Then, as if that wasn't an answered prayer in itself...it just kept getting sweeter and sweeter. Preacher Curtis preached on taking up our cross and following him. At the end of the sermon, he challenged us to think about things we should give up in order to keep up our cross carrying. He further challenged us to ask God to take away whatever hindrances kept us from carrying our cross and following him. While my hindrance isn't an addiction, or a object like TV or Music, I knew what I needed to give up immediately, and everything finally clicked together. It's such an incredible feeling when you are in the middle of an answered prayer, and realize it is happening. My anxiety has a hold on me and holds me back from doing so many things. I'm at the point that I simply cannot let my nervousness interfere with serving the Lord. My prayer tonight, was that God could overcome the anxieties I have and use me in a mighty way. I have never wanted to be closer to the Lord than I do right now. I yearn for more of him in my life. I only want to be what he would have me to be.
While this post isn't my usual encouraging or inspiring word, it is from the heart. It is written with great excitement, love, and thanksgiving. I am thankful that the Lord answers even the smallest prayers and has shown me that he is in control and can overcome any hindrances that we have. Thank you Lord for your blessings on me!