All is fun and games until someone pukes. Yup, you've all been there or watched from the sidelines. All of those exciting and exhilarating fair rides. The tilt-a-whirls, ferris wheels, merry go rounds and roller coasters. You see the laughter, smiles, and shrill screams coming from rides like these and then occasionally you see that lackluster face of the fairground employee who has become indebted to hosing off the ride after a child has hurled over every inch of it. I was that child. I remember waving my arms on so many rides for the fair attendant to stop and let me off, only to realize that they weren't going to, throwing up the funnel cake I had earlier, and then walking around nauseated the rest of the trip. Each year I would try again, hoping I had outgrown my motion sickness but to no avail. It's for this very reason that I can say, without a doubt, I hate roller coasters. Honestly, I dislike anything that spins around, twirls in wild directions, or spirals out of control. The nauseating feeling paired with feeling out of control just isn't my idea of a fun time. I'm always fine going up that steep hill of the coaster, and I'm even okay as I reach the top. It's the speeding toward the bottom of the hill that gets me. Even in life....it's the race to the bottom that leaves me yearning to be back up on top of the hill.
The past couple of months have been a roller coaster. I was down at the bottom of the lowest point of my roller coaster. I wasn't sure what awaited my seemingly flawed body and health, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to ever have another child, and I wasn't sure if surgery was in my future. God took care of all of that however and took it completely away. All of it. I was made new!
In that same week, a long awaited prayer was answered about William's job situation. After being on 2nd shift for most of the last 4 years, never seeing him in the evenings or him never being able to participate in playing with Camdyn each day or going to family events and outings, God answered. He starts a new job this week that will allow him to be home with us each evening, have supper that doesn't have to be heated in the microwave, and read Camdyn Frozen for the millionth time before bed.
God was good. That week, I couldn't stop talking about what God was doing for us. What he had blessed our family with. I praised him every chance I got and was able to use those blessings as a witness to my faith. I was at the top of my roller coaster! I could see everything around me! I could see those tiny issues at the bottom that seemed so miniscule now. I was on top of the world.
Newton's Laws and the idea of gravity, tell us that an object in motion will stay in motion unless acted on by a force. All of those feelings I had of praise, blessing, and zeal for sharing my Lord, slowly became acted on by a force. A force that works against all of us when we least expect it. Satan. He realized my Lord had won a victory with me and one against him. That's when it happens. The descent to the bottom.
Last week, revival started on Saturday night. Saturday morning I woke up sick. Not just a sniffle sick but fever, cough, congestion, yucky sick. I was out of church on Sunday morning and Sunday night, drug myself to work Monday and decided to attempt revival Monday night, where I sat feeling like a sudafed head. The rest of the week, while I was feeling better, I didn't go to revival.It seemed like work was piled up at school. Teacher conferences, meetings, papers, assessments. I left school, picked up Camdyn, rushed to do laundry, supper, and bedtime routines, and completely crossed revival off my list. My mind kept telling me I didn't have the time. You have chores, you have so much to do, you have to do this, you have to do that. Satan stole my joy last week. He rushed me. He made me see every little detail of my home, my work, and my life that was shambled and needed cleaning, washing, fixing, or redoing. Instead of focusing my heart on what I needed last week, I focused my mind on what needed to be done at home and I missed out. Here I sat at the bottom of the roller coaster yet again. I felt guilty, I felt like I had missed out on something wonderful, I felt jealous of those who went, but most of all I felt robbed. Robbed of joy. All of those things I was doing and feeling last week, created a monster in me. I was moody, ill, stressed out, and hurt. As a result, my relationships at home and outside of home were rocky because I was on my tight rope walk of perfection. Trying to make sure everything was perfect and complete was exhausting and stressful.
I sat at the bottom of my coaster all weekend. Last night as I laid my head on the pillow I prayed that God would bring me back to the top again. I prayed he would bless my heart at church, and restore my joy. I asked forgiveness for missing out last week, but also asked him for help to see the importance in life and dismiss things that can wait. In order to worship and serve him like I should, I need him to restore my joy and help me to not sweat the small stuff. It's okay if there is laundry in the hamper. It's okay if we have to do a drive thru supper from time to time. It's okay if Camdyn isn't in bed by 8 p.m.
This morning, God answered my prayer. He pulled me back to the top of the hill again. His sweet spirit filled our church this morning and my heart was overflowing. I was able to see that while sometimes I fail him, he's always there to pick me back up. In him I can find joy. I couldn't help but cry as I sang, "He's my all in all. He's my all in all. Every time I get in trouble, on him I'll call. When I'm way down in the valley, the savior takes me by the hand. He leads me up on top of the mountain, where I can see the promised land." My joy cannot be found in anything but him. When Satan robs me of my joy and the song in my heart, all I have to do is ask the Lord to restore me.
Today I am thankful that roller coasters do have hills. Even when you are at the bottom another peak soon awaits. I will choose joy! I will choose GOD! I will choose to cling to the top of the roller coaster and not let Satan pull me down.
The past couple of months have been a roller coaster. I was down at the bottom of the lowest point of my roller coaster. I wasn't sure what awaited my seemingly flawed body and health, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to ever have another child, and I wasn't sure if surgery was in my future. God took care of all of that however and took it completely away. All of it. I was made new!
In that same week, a long awaited prayer was answered about William's job situation. After being on 2nd shift for most of the last 4 years, never seeing him in the evenings or him never being able to participate in playing with Camdyn each day or going to family events and outings, God answered. He starts a new job this week that will allow him to be home with us each evening, have supper that doesn't have to be heated in the microwave, and read Camdyn Frozen for the millionth time before bed.
God was good. That week, I couldn't stop talking about what God was doing for us. What he had blessed our family with. I praised him every chance I got and was able to use those blessings as a witness to my faith. I was at the top of my roller coaster! I could see everything around me! I could see those tiny issues at the bottom that seemed so miniscule now. I was on top of the world.
Newton's Laws and the idea of gravity, tell us that an object in motion will stay in motion unless acted on by a force. All of those feelings I had of praise, blessing, and zeal for sharing my Lord, slowly became acted on by a force. A force that works against all of us when we least expect it. Satan. He realized my Lord had won a victory with me and one against him. That's when it happens. The descent to the bottom.
Last week, revival started on Saturday night. Saturday morning I woke up sick. Not just a sniffle sick but fever, cough, congestion, yucky sick. I was out of church on Sunday morning and Sunday night, drug myself to work Monday and decided to attempt revival Monday night, where I sat feeling like a sudafed head. The rest of the week, while I was feeling better, I didn't go to revival.It seemed like work was piled up at school. Teacher conferences, meetings, papers, assessments. I left school, picked up Camdyn, rushed to do laundry, supper, and bedtime routines, and completely crossed revival off my list. My mind kept telling me I didn't have the time. You have chores, you have so much to do, you have to do this, you have to do that. Satan stole my joy last week. He rushed me. He made me see every little detail of my home, my work, and my life that was shambled and needed cleaning, washing, fixing, or redoing. Instead of focusing my heart on what I needed last week, I focused my mind on what needed to be done at home and I missed out. Here I sat at the bottom of the roller coaster yet again. I felt guilty, I felt like I had missed out on something wonderful, I felt jealous of those who went, but most of all I felt robbed. Robbed of joy. All of those things I was doing and feeling last week, created a monster in me. I was moody, ill, stressed out, and hurt. As a result, my relationships at home and outside of home were rocky because I was on my tight rope walk of perfection. Trying to make sure everything was perfect and complete was exhausting and stressful.
I sat at the bottom of my coaster all weekend. Last night as I laid my head on the pillow I prayed that God would bring me back to the top again. I prayed he would bless my heart at church, and restore my joy. I asked forgiveness for missing out last week, but also asked him for help to see the importance in life and dismiss things that can wait. In order to worship and serve him like I should, I need him to restore my joy and help me to not sweat the small stuff. It's okay if there is laundry in the hamper. It's okay if we have to do a drive thru supper from time to time. It's okay if Camdyn isn't in bed by 8 p.m.
This morning, God answered my prayer. He pulled me back to the top of the hill again. His sweet spirit filled our church this morning and my heart was overflowing. I was able to see that while sometimes I fail him, he's always there to pick me back up. In him I can find joy. I couldn't help but cry as I sang, "He's my all in all. He's my all in all. Every time I get in trouble, on him I'll call. When I'm way down in the valley, the savior takes me by the hand. He leads me up on top of the mountain, where I can see the promised land." My joy cannot be found in anything but him. When Satan robs me of my joy and the song in my heart, all I have to do is ask the Lord to restore me.
Today I am thankful that roller coasters do have hills. Even when you are at the bottom another peak soon awaits. I will choose joy! I will choose GOD! I will choose to cling to the top of the roller coaster and not let Satan pull me down.