August 2017. I’ll never forget that month. I remember each day and the agonizing pain my heart felt. Each hour, minute, second was agonizing. It was that August that I was struggling with going back to work after the birth of my son. Each day that lead me closer to that “first day back” left me even more drained. I absolutely, positively, was convinced that my true calling in life was to be a mother, and there was no room for anything more. I remember being at open house and meeting my new families and feeling so artificial; a phony. I didn’t want to be there and was honestly angry that God hadn’t found some way for me to stay at home and just be a Mama for a few years. I also remember the jealousy I felt when I saw those mamas who were able to “live the dream”. My son, my entire family, needed me home - how could I come to work knowing I was needed elsewhere?
Most of that school year I sought out other career options, both in education and out. Daily, I searched ads online. It became the routine. I had offers, interviews, and conversations but I just never had peace about it. I know what you are thinking, this lady prayed and pleaded for other opportunities and they come and she doesn’t have peace about them? Believe me, I was just as confused as you are. All of those previously mentioned emotions turned into utter confusion and turmoil within myself. What am I doing with my life? It’s hard to admit your own faults, but I was negative. I stole my own joy. I robbed myself of great things, worried over minuscule things and was honestly, absolutely miserable. But.....isn’t it amazing how God has every single aspect of your life mapped out? He knows what’s going to happen before you do. He knows what is best even when you are convinced he must be wrong, because surely you know what is good for you. He also knows that sometimes valleys are needed to appreciate the mountains.
Summer of 2018 came and went. I distinctly remember the night before I went back to work, praying that God would give me positivity and peace for the upcoming school year, and that if this is truly what he wanted for me, he’d reveal that to me, and keep my spirits high.
Fast forward to May 2019. My students, colleagues and I are on the home stretch. The light is seen at the end of the tunnel (a crazy short tunnel I might add - it goes by so fast!). This week is teacher appreciation week and everyone has had nice gestures from students and words and memories from former students. Thank you’s are tossed like confetti and smiles spread across educators faces. Today I reflected. While teaching, I found myself reflecting (yes, I’m a first grade teacher - I multitask!). Lunch? Reflecting. Recess reflecting. Every moment of today felt like a memory reel of moments, feelings, emotions, challenges, obstacles, relationships, and everything in between. Today, I realized, God answered that prayer from August. He answered it every single day. He answered it when he gave me a more positive attitude this year. He answered with a teammate who can complete my sentences (seriously) and become one of my greatest and dearest friends. He answered with a class full of students who are eager, hardworking, dedicated, and loving. He answered with smiles and laughter, tears and joy. He answered with the grit and perseverance needed. He answered with knowledge and training to better my teaching and delivery of instruction. He answered with astronomical student growth that has gave me all the “feels” a Teacher should experience.
I cant imagine a more fitting time to come to this realization that Teacher Appreciation Week. Two years ago, God knew I needed to feel the way I do today. He knew I’d still be a first grade teacher in 2019 experiencing another Teacher Appreciation Week. He knew I needed refreshing. He knew I needed to know my purpose and experience the growth and confirmation that I now have.
I can’t say this has been the easiest school year, nor the hardest. I cannot say there weren’t obstacles, misfortunes, mistakes, or frustration. If you are a public educator, these things come with the task at hand, and always will, because it’s hard being responsible for 20 some little minds and hearts each day. This year HAS however been one of my most fulfilling. One of the years that will forever stand out as a turning point. A pivotal moment in my career. The year I finally and truly realized this is my calling. Other than being a Christian, wife, and mother, teaching children is what my heart work is and will forever be. I am BLESSED to have the career I do and my prayer is to never take it for granted again.
Most of that school year I sought out other career options, both in education and out. Daily, I searched ads online. It became the routine. I had offers, interviews, and conversations but I just never had peace about it. I know what you are thinking, this lady prayed and pleaded for other opportunities and they come and she doesn’t have peace about them? Believe me, I was just as confused as you are. All of those previously mentioned emotions turned into utter confusion and turmoil within myself. What am I doing with my life? It’s hard to admit your own faults, but I was negative. I stole my own joy. I robbed myself of great things, worried over minuscule things and was honestly, absolutely miserable. But.....isn’t it amazing how God has every single aspect of your life mapped out? He knows what’s going to happen before you do. He knows what is best even when you are convinced he must be wrong, because surely you know what is good for you. He also knows that sometimes valleys are needed to appreciate the mountains.
Summer of 2018 came and went. I distinctly remember the night before I went back to work, praying that God would give me positivity and peace for the upcoming school year, and that if this is truly what he wanted for me, he’d reveal that to me, and keep my spirits high.
Fast forward to May 2019. My students, colleagues and I are on the home stretch. The light is seen at the end of the tunnel (a crazy short tunnel I might add - it goes by so fast!). This week is teacher appreciation week and everyone has had nice gestures from students and words and memories from former students. Thank you’s are tossed like confetti and smiles spread across educators faces. Today I reflected. While teaching, I found myself reflecting (yes, I’m a first grade teacher - I multitask!). Lunch? Reflecting. Recess reflecting. Every moment of today felt like a memory reel of moments, feelings, emotions, challenges, obstacles, relationships, and everything in between. Today, I realized, God answered that prayer from August. He answered it every single day. He answered it when he gave me a more positive attitude this year. He answered with a teammate who can complete my sentences (seriously) and become one of my greatest and dearest friends. He answered with a class full of students who are eager, hardworking, dedicated, and loving. He answered with smiles and laughter, tears and joy. He answered with the grit and perseverance needed. He answered with knowledge and training to better my teaching and delivery of instruction. He answered with astronomical student growth that has gave me all the “feels” a Teacher should experience.
I cant imagine a more fitting time to come to this realization that Teacher Appreciation Week. Two years ago, God knew I needed to feel the way I do today. He knew I’d still be a first grade teacher in 2019 experiencing another Teacher Appreciation Week. He knew I needed refreshing. He knew I needed to know my purpose and experience the growth and confirmation that I now have.
I can’t say this has been the easiest school year, nor the hardest. I cannot say there weren’t obstacles, misfortunes, mistakes, or frustration. If you are a public educator, these things come with the task at hand, and always will, because it’s hard being responsible for 20 some little minds and hearts each day. This year HAS however been one of my most fulfilling. One of the years that will forever stand out as a turning point. A pivotal moment in my career. The year I finally and truly realized this is my calling. Other than being a Christian, wife, and mother, teaching children is what my heart work is and will forever be. I am BLESSED to have the career I do and my prayer is to never take it for granted again.