Today the only analogy of myself that I can think of is something laying nestled in a catapult, unknowingly getting ready to be thrown into the vast, unknown, atmosphere. I am the something nestled in the catapult. This blog post is probably going to be an exaggerated, long, and scrambled mess because quite frankly so are my thoughts this week.
I’ll be the first to admit that in March and April, I was miserable. I hated being home. I felt smothered and I felt like my only purpose was to clean up someone’s mess or slap some mediocre food on a plate. I felt like I had lost my identity as a person in society. Instead of an educator and an asset to society and children, I felt I had bippity boppity boo’ed right into the role of Cinderella. I struggled. My usually managed anxiety and depression quickly spiraled out of control. I went to doctors visits to change medications and started seeing a counselor. Thankfully I got over the hump with much prayer and support. As of late, I’m finding myself thankful to be at home with my kids. It’s been quite the morale boost for our little family having me home to do things I normally don’t have time for. I’ve found a new love and hobby in gardening and growing food for my family. I’ve also started to enjoy cooking for my family and expanding my culinary skills. Our laundry is caught up, our home is clean, and my kids have spent more time outside than in. So as far as that beginning analogy, I am the “something” nestled at home safely right now. There are many who cannot be and I feel for those people. Front line workers, essential workers, single parents, anyone who would rather be home but can’t for whatever reason that may be.
Now. This next rant won’t secure my popularity with many people and that’s okay. I love America (well normally) because we are all entitled to our own beliefs and can express those as we see fit. I’ve never been one to push what I believe onto anyone else so please don’t take it that way.
I’ve always loved documentaries and the delve into the occasional conspiracy theory. During quarantine my eyes have been opened to a lot of things both political, media related, etc. I’m not sharing all of that here because it’s not the time nor the place, but because of these things I’ve been on a see saw, teeter tottering during all of this lockdown. One day I feel like life should go on and while the virus is very real, we are being played somewhat. And then on another day, I’m in complete fear and get my husband to pick up our groceries because I’m too afraid to leave the house even to do such a simple task as that. As a whole, we haven’t left the house except to go to the beach. It wasn’t the “normal” beach trip mind you, and I was completely paranoid the whole time, but we were super careful. We haven’t been into a restaurant since early March and I don’t anticipate going anytime soon. I don’t go into retail stores (if something is needed William goes), and myself and my family wear a mask when we have to go to an appointment or leave my home. Nolan for the most part stays home. He doesn’t go into public. We haven’t been around very many people at all and for the most part we are still quarantining here at home.
I will also say, I am not afraid of the virus. I’m sure if I contract it, more than likely I would be okay, but I’d rather not take that gamble. What is the most concerning to me is my son. Nolan was a sick little guy most of the winter. It was determined that his immune system was weak and some of his vaccines weren’t really very strong acting in his system. One of those being the one that prevents pneumonia. So, while it may not affect myself or William and Camdyn horrifically, it could be a major issue for Nolan. I would rather look back and be thankful I was cautious than to look back and wish I’d protected him a little more.
I say all that to get here. I get you aren’t scared. I get you are ready to get back to work and school and normal life. But some of us are still fearful. Some of us are scared for the people we know with compromised immune systems. Some of us are Mamas who are terrified to send our child back into a daycare setting because for the last 4-5 months we’ve had a completely healthy child for the first time we can remember. Please don’t discredit someone else’s fears and anxieties. It’s okay if you don’t share them, but do share your empathy. Be kind. It costs nothing to BE KIND.
So as I’m nestled safely here in this catapult we call the world now. I know that soon I’m going to find out where that catapult is sending me and my kids. Will it keep us at home or will it thrust us out into the Petri dish? No one knows. If I had the option, I would stay home and home school my children (something I always said I would never do!) because I know that they are safe here. Unfortunately I do not have that option because I’m an educator. If we go back to school, I don’t have a choice really, except to go. Potentially risking not only my health but each person in my family, and most importantly, my little guy. (Side note: Any at home careers you know of?? I may be looking soon....kidding....kind of?) Teaching, while stressful at times, is my calling. It gives me purpose and it’s something I truly enjoy as a career. But what we are getting ready to dive into is going to be so incredibly different. I think if an educator says they aren’t fearful or anxious about what the next year or years may be like, they are not being completely truthful. It’s just plain, down right, scary. People: pray for your child’s teachers! Like you’ve never prayed before!
Parents that need to return to work. I feel you too. Like I said earlier, empathy. We are all in different places and there’s not going to be a right answer for every person. It’s a sobering thought knowing that lots of hearts are going to be uneasy and we will all be doing things we don’t feel comfortable with. Just practice patience with each other. Help another person out. Extend empathy and understanding.
There are so many unknowns and uncertainties but the one thing that is known is that God is Sovereign. He is all knowing and has peace which passeth all understanding. My prayer is that he keeps me and my family in the palm of his hand and that he guides my decisions as a Mama before those as a teacher.
I’ll be the first to admit that in March and April, I was miserable. I hated being home. I felt smothered and I felt like my only purpose was to clean up someone’s mess or slap some mediocre food on a plate. I felt like I had lost my identity as a person in society. Instead of an educator and an asset to society and children, I felt I had bippity boppity boo’ed right into the role of Cinderella. I struggled. My usually managed anxiety and depression quickly spiraled out of control. I went to doctors visits to change medications and started seeing a counselor. Thankfully I got over the hump with much prayer and support. As of late, I’m finding myself thankful to be at home with my kids. It’s been quite the morale boost for our little family having me home to do things I normally don’t have time for. I’ve found a new love and hobby in gardening and growing food for my family. I’ve also started to enjoy cooking for my family and expanding my culinary skills. Our laundry is caught up, our home is clean, and my kids have spent more time outside than in. So as far as that beginning analogy, I am the “something” nestled at home safely right now. There are many who cannot be and I feel for those people. Front line workers, essential workers, single parents, anyone who would rather be home but can’t for whatever reason that may be.
Now. This next rant won’t secure my popularity with many people and that’s okay. I love America (well normally) because we are all entitled to our own beliefs and can express those as we see fit. I’ve never been one to push what I believe onto anyone else so please don’t take it that way.
I’ve always loved documentaries and the delve into the occasional conspiracy theory. During quarantine my eyes have been opened to a lot of things both political, media related, etc. I’m not sharing all of that here because it’s not the time nor the place, but because of these things I’ve been on a see saw, teeter tottering during all of this lockdown. One day I feel like life should go on and while the virus is very real, we are being played somewhat. And then on another day, I’m in complete fear and get my husband to pick up our groceries because I’m too afraid to leave the house even to do such a simple task as that. As a whole, we haven’t left the house except to go to the beach. It wasn’t the “normal” beach trip mind you, and I was completely paranoid the whole time, but we were super careful. We haven’t been into a restaurant since early March and I don’t anticipate going anytime soon. I don’t go into retail stores (if something is needed William goes), and myself and my family wear a mask when we have to go to an appointment or leave my home. Nolan for the most part stays home. He doesn’t go into public. We haven’t been around very many people at all and for the most part we are still quarantining here at home.
I will also say, I am not afraid of the virus. I’m sure if I contract it, more than likely I would be okay, but I’d rather not take that gamble. What is the most concerning to me is my son. Nolan was a sick little guy most of the winter. It was determined that his immune system was weak and some of his vaccines weren’t really very strong acting in his system. One of those being the one that prevents pneumonia. So, while it may not affect myself or William and Camdyn horrifically, it could be a major issue for Nolan. I would rather look back and be thankful I was cautious than to look back and wish I’d protected him a little more.
I say all that to get here. I get you aren’t scared. I get you are ready to get back to work and school and normal life. But some of us are still fearful. Some of us are scared for the people we know with compromised immune systems. Some of us are Mamas who are terrified to send our child back into a daycare setting because for the last 4-5 months we’ve had a completely healthy child for the first time we can remember. Please don’t discredit someone else’s fears and anxieties. It’s okay if you don’t share them, but do share your empathy. Be kind. It costs nothing to BE KIND.
So as I’m nestled safely here in this catapult we call the world now. I know that soon I’m going to find out where that catapult is sending me and my kids. Will it keep us at home or will it thrust us out into the Petri dish? No one knows. If I had the option, I would stay home and home school my children (something I always said I would never do!) because I know that they are safe here. Unfortunately I do not have that option because I’m an educator. If we go back to school, I don’t have a choice really, except to go. Potentially risking not only my health but each person in my family, and most importantly, my little guy. (Side note: Any at home careers you know of?? I may be looking soon....kidding....kind of?) Teaching, while stressful at times, is my calling. It gives me purpose and it’s something I truly enjoy as a career. But what we are getting ready to dive into is going to be so incredibly different. I think if an educator says they aren’t fearful or anxious about what the next year or years may be like, they are not being completely truthful. It’s just plain, down right, scary. People: pray for your child’s teachers! Like you’ve never prayed before!
Parents that need to return to work. I feel you too. Like I said earlier, empathy. We are all in different places and there’s not going to be a right answer for every person. It’s a sobering thought knowing that lots of hearts are going to be uneasy and we will all be doing things we don’t feel comfortable with. Just practice patience with each other. Help another person out. Extend empathy and understanding.
There are so many unknowns and uncertainties but the one thing that is known is that God is Sovereign. He is all knowing and has peace which passeth all understanding. My prayer is that he keeps me and my family in the palm of his hand and that he guides my decisions as a Mama before those as a teacher.